We all want to take care of our parents, but things are likely to go wrong. We sometimes hurt them with our words that are not in our mind. Conflicts aroused between parents and children, which are trivial and sometimes serious, come from lack of understanding each other. Mary Pfeiffer, an American famous psychologist says, "To love elders is to love one's future." Let's see how to get along with parents' generation well in her book <Another country> (Published by Mosaek).
1. Be a good mind reader.
Most parents had suffered from wars and lived in poverty. They are stingy with everything; they never throw away food that is moldy or went bad, they always try to hang up the phone for fear of the telephone charges. The reason why elders make preaching over and over again is in their over-anxiety. They are afraid that their children might ignore their opinions. That means they got weak physically and mentally.
2. Being old does not mean being weak.
When elders make something wrong, you may think they do things in that way because they are too old. When an old man causes a traffic accident, you may think his old age is to blame. Young people can make mistakes, too; they sometimes forget putting a pot over a fire or to keep an appointment with someone. When elders make that kind of mistakes, they are blamed two times more; "because they are too old." This kind of blaming the age is the same as, "because they are the blacks."
3. What do parents want?
Parents feel happy with trivial things; when having regular meeting with their children once a week or a few times a month, when given food wholeheartedly cooked by their children, when talking each other or asked favors while working together, and when seeing smiles at parting. If you know time goes fast, avoid thinking "later." Say "I love you" right now. It couldn't be earlier.
4. Be honest and open.
It is easy for most children to think they do something "for their parents." But they are wrong. They'd better think they do something "together with them." Open your heart to your parents and make a clean breast of things that bother you; conflicts in your family and a matter of money or diseases. Saying no truth is the same as snatching chances to love children from your parents.
5. There are neither perfect children nor perfect parents.
No matter how well parents and children take care of each other, troubles must arise. If you love each other, you'd better be prepared in case you might be disappointed by something that was not what you wanted. Parents frankly ask favors and children deal with things through open-hearted conversation. It is necessary to let troubles through when you find them in your relationship.